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z:magick:records:21-09-2019 [21/09/2019 14:01] (current)
z created
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 +21-9-2019
  
 +13:01 - LBRP - WT (slightly simplified - less circumambulations),​ 19th (ZAX)
 +
 +Light blue circle in front of me.
 +
 +"​Tianta ababalond"​ revertebrates. My heart-rate spikes. My mind is flashing with thoughts. A flood. I see each reflected in the circle. Mirror? I want to break it, but know deep down that not looking is to fail.
 +
 +I hear the rush of blood in my head. Everything is loud. There is no-one but Silence where I am. The thoughts stop. Or quiet down. I can barely hear them now. I see myself reflected.
 +
 +There is an evil there. An aura of lust, greed, destruction. It is mine. For all I want is suppressed. And giving it room to express is bad. Lest it be bound rightly.
 +
 +- Come Thou, O Angel ZAX
 +
 +~ Truth, yet not. What sickens thee?
 +
 +- Not sickness, but dispersity.
 +
 +~ Bind it all together. Or let it go. There is One end.
 +
 +And I see there is no difference. All these things, even as I am now, are but reflections. For one, I may appear a stranger, for another, a lover, and yet others, a monster.
 +
 +Yet what is that beyond?
 +
 +(inv. HGA, slaying the mind, the binding All together)
 +
 +(long time passes)
 +
 +Feeling like something is poured into my skull. Numb. There is a light. The Kapala contains it. The black flame rises to meet it. There is Silence.
 +
 +As if my spine is a chimney. (not sure what I meant there ???)
 +
 ++ @ 333
 +
 +In the reflection, I see what I want to see now.
 +
 +But not what I want. What is necessary. (Notice the change in perspective here)
 +
 +There is a sense of urgency, but relaxed. Time is irrelevant.
 +
 +There is a sense of pride, but also humiliation.
 +
 +As if I won, and failed at the same time.
 +
 +All sensations happen. Almost as if I'm the center of all experience.
 +
 +(long time passes - I am flooded with seemingly all sensations I've ever experienced)
 +
 +- Bind me onto the Cross, o God Adonai, that I may be always True, and fine by all, and Godly in all I perform.
 +
 +- Thine is the essence, and I am as a drop of light unto the Elixir of you, the Ambrosia of Angels, the Precious water, which wets not, but ever flames in the darkness of Him that sits of the Holy Throne, the Lord of Naught, the Hidden God, the Invisible Intercessor,​ Initiator of All.
 +
 +- Let me be as a spark fleeing the flame, only to start a new one. Till the whole world burns, as your Holy Bush on the mount.
 +
 +- And grant me Truth and Insight, and Strength and Power, and Beauty, Love and Intelligence,​ that I may act from thine abode in full Understanding,​ and manifest all for the work to do.
 +
 +And I see a beautiful angel descend unto me, and He says
 +
 +"Thou art risen"
 +
 +And then fades, disappears.
 +
 +I see darkness, and filthy creatures crawling towards me.
 +
 +- In the name of him who is bound, disperse.
 +
 +And they do.
 +
 +A gate rises from the floor. It's of all colors.
 +
 +I go through.
 +
 +--end--
 +
 +13:41 - Close + LBRP
z/magick/records/21-09-2019.txt · Last modified: 21/09/2019 14:01 by z